The Blogger NetworkAdvertise with us Report this ad

Josh Groban “O Holy Night”: Simple Gift Sunday

My husband told me recently that I run when I’m sad.

Usually I would argue with him, but this truth settled into my spirit.

He was right.

I don’t like those close to me to see me grieve.

Grief stings.

It isolates.

It takes the most ordinary day and turns it into pain.

I know this because I know grief.

Some days it has been my constant companion.

On this day it overwhelms me.

Christmas Eve makes the two year anniversary of my mom’s death.

I am heartsick.

Every single time the weather turns cold I grieve.

I can’t close my eyes without seeing the painful picture of my mother.

Alone, in front of the entrance door to the assisted living facility where she lived.

Shivering to her death in the dark.

I grieve. And I feel guilt.

It is not my burden to carry, but still it lingers on.

What could I have done?

What should I have done?

Why did this happen?

I ache inside for what ifs, knowing it isn’t right for me to torture myself with these questions.

But I am her daughter and I grieve for the pain she suffered.

And I weep.

This Christmas Eve I will sing “O Holy Night” at our new church.

Among new friends.

With fresh hope.

But I will always remember and on this night I will sing for her.

Gone but not forgotten.

I love you, Mom.

 

Like what you read? Follow me here:


Image Map

 



Comments

  1. I’m always here if you need to talk. I miss her so much. I miss the Christmas Eve dinner at her house. I miss Krispy cream doughnuts paw paw always got. I miss the simple joy that this time of year always brought me. I’m now trying to find it in the kids. I miss those traditions the most!! I just simple miss spending time together, all of us. With home made ice cream! At some point it has to get easier, right? Love you!!

  2. Prayers to you.
    I lost my mother in September.

  3. Please know that you are not alone. It’s been almost five years since I lost my mom. For the three years prior I loved her and did everything I knew to care for her during her illness. I still ask myself today if there was more I could have, or should have done. In my heart I know I did all I knew to do, but I still wonder. I loved her and miss her so much. I’m just so thankful for the memories.

  4. Maddie Davis says:

    New Years’Day will mark the 1st year of my father’s death. He was in a nursing home when he passed and yep I’m right there with ya with the guilt and the what if’s. But trust in the Lord and he will help you through this. I’ll be praying for you.

    • I appreciate your commenting on my Simple Gift Sunday posts, Maddie. I’m so sorry you have experienced loss as I have and I know how it makes the holidays bittersweet. Thinking of you today.
      Marty@Marty’s Musings

  5. Marty,
    Though we don’t know for sure, I believe that when Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus, he was weeping for those who grieved. And for those of us who. later, would grieve. He wasn’t grieving for Lazarus — he knew he would rise again. I believe his great, big, compassionate heart looked around at Lazarus’s friends and family and wept for the pain they were experiencing. He wept because he never intended us to experience the pain of death and loss and grief. His plan for us didn’t include these sorrow. His plan was everlasting life. May the knowledge that when “Jesus wept,” he was weeping for you and with you. And when he came as a babe in the manger, it was to one day be the reigning King that would wipe away every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more sorrow or death. We can comfort one another with these words.

  6. Just catching up on my reading, since I was grieving for my sister, this first Christmas with her gone. I love you, my friend. (((hug))) I wish I had the right words to comfort.

Speak Your Mind

*