As someone who has suffered multiple losses, Marty Walden knows grief decluttering is both a necessity and a season to work through painful wounds while letting go of possessions.

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but I’ve become known to some of my followers as the “grief writer.” Looking back on my most recent two plus decades of life I’ve tried to be as transparent as possible as I’ve grieved my many losses.

Adoption trauma, my sister’s death at age 53 by a massive heart event, my mom’s death by nursing home neglect and a divorce caused by betrayal and an HIV/AIDS diagnosis. (You can find out more about that story on my YouTube Channel.)These are just a few of the bigger losses I’ve experienced. However, each day holds smaller moments of pain that often build up to overwhelming grief.

Please don’t think I’m publicly sharing these painful wounds for sympathy or pity. I’ve spent the last seven years processing my grief through counseling and living life to its fullest each day. Yet I don’t run away from my calling to encourage women in hard places with hope.

It’s because of this that I want to help you somehow face the mess and clutter that has become your home. I know what it’s like to follow the process I’m going to share with you, both in my own home, my loved ones homes and working with others physically in person.

I have been where you are. Facing an impossible task while your heart is breaking and your mind refuses to make sense of the overwhelm you’re facing.

Losses come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe you can relate to some of these situations:

Your spouse or partner has died or you’ve gotten divorced
Your parents or other close relatives have died
You have to move to another part of the country for a job
You’ve lost your job and are forced to downsize
Your children are now adults and you’re left with the remnants of their childhood
Your physical health has declined and your home no longer serves you

I’m calling this topic “grief decluttering” because the need to declutter while also grieving can keep you stuck with both a cluttered home and broken heart. I pray these tips will help you process your losses and move forward in the healthiest way possible.

**You can find all my posts on decluttering here.

Acknowledge the loss.

Whether your loss was sudden or happened over the span of years it’s important not to gloss over what you’ve lost. In the simplest of explanations, when we ignore our losses and wounds they WILL come back to bite us later in life.

Unresolved grief can be the source of physical ailments, sleeplessness, broken relationships and mental health struggles to name a few. I’m not saying jump into counseling the minute someone you love dies. But allowing yourself time for sadness, feeling angry or whatever emotion the loss brings up is so important.

However, I AM a huge proponent of counseling because it literally has saved my emotional and mental health. I could write days about this subject but let me just say knowing there are legitimate reasons for feeling like you do will help ease the pain. Someone outside your normal circle of loved ones can see patterns and behaviors that you may not be able to identify.

You may be surprised at how events in your childhood are still effecting your life years or decades later. I tell my followers on social media all the time to do your hard thing. If you’re reading this post, I believe your hard thing may be addressing a multitude of losses throughout your life. Yes, this is painful, but on the other side there is freedom and hope.

If possible take your time.

I realize this might not be the case for many of the situations listed above. Because of the circumstances surrounding my divorce (a betrayal and HIV/AIDS diagnosis) I needed out of my marriage and home as soon as possible.

I’ve written about how to quickly declutter and downsize because I did what was seemingly impossible. In the seven weeks after my HIV diagnosis I obtained a separation agreement, downsized from 2000 to 1000 ft and bought and moved to a home in the same neighborhood.

Cozy white cottage with green roof and black shutters

I didn’t take my time! But in many situations, such as the loss of a parent, you may be able to work through the decluttering process on a more leisurely timeline. You may have a lifetime of possessions to deal with and you need time for acceptance and inspiration for moving forward.

But a word of caution! The more time you have the more you may be able to procrastinate letting go of sentimental items. Try to stay present in the moment as you make all the seemingly impossible decisions. Examine your time frame and realistically process how much time you have available for this process.

Ask a trusted friend or loved one for help.

Allow a close friend to provide comfort and assistance as you face all the stuff that needs to be dealt with. Obviously there will be items only you can address but just the presence of someone who loves you is incredibly helpful.

A friend can offer help on decluttering sentimental items such as photographs, heirlooms, baby clothes, furniture and the physical belongings of your family member. Sentimental clutter is anything you can’t part with because of the emotions involved and no longer serves a purpose.

Pink and white baby dress with baby book

Supportive friends who’ve been through the same season may be able to offer local advice on what to sell and where or the best places to donate for maximum impact.

Start small and set an achievable goal.

Often when we’re grieving we get stuck. As in majorly stuck without any way to see through the wall of grief.

For me the easiest way is to start small and go from there. I find there is some weird sort of satisfaction in throwing things away (that can’t be given away or recycled) so I like to start with a junk drawer! If you’re like me you have that one drawer (or more) in the kitchen or a desk that’s just a collection of random objects. Go forth and conquer this one area!

Small living rom with vintage card catalogue and fall decorations

Cozy fall cottage decor

Separate into keep, give or throw away piles.

It may be easier if you have three separate areas/piles for the division of your possessions. Then you don’t have to make the final decision about every single thing until you attack a specific pile.

For me, throwing away damaged or unidentifiable trash (yes, that’s what it is!) gives a feeling of accomplishment. And it’s easier than giving away Grandma’s precious tea set or making a decision on which chairs to keep and which to give away or sell.

Single stacks of boxes filled with stuff in living room

All of these ideas are actionable tips to get you unstuck and moving forward. I can promise you there will be difficult moments when allowing yourself to cry may be the best advice. But it IS possible to face this giant and live a life with less stuff!

Allow God to guide your steps.

I’m pretty sure most folks who write on this topic won’t address the faith aspect but I will! This is a difficult time in the lives of all involved and faith can play a role in how you deal with it.

When my husband and I separated my faith got me through every sleepless night of tears and pleading to God. I didn’t get the answers I hoped for but I never stopped believing God was still by my side. My faith gave me the belief there was a purpose and plan for the deepest darkest pain and kept me inching forward day by day.

Woman praying with outstretched hands in small home

Don’t be afraid to question God or pour out your frustrations and anger. I believe giving God those feelings brings Him closer to our heart, not farther away. Prayer is the gift we’re given to draw close to God even when we don’t feel like God is near.

Know that I’m cheering for you my friend! Take one moment, one day at a time and just keep going. You’ve got this!

My most favorite book on the grieving process is The Grief Recovery Handbook. This book was life changing for me. I highly recommend it as a resource if you’ve experienced loss of any kind. You can also find more information and/or connect with a grief special in your area here.