Surprise! I’m Getting Married! Part 1
This post may contain affiliate links which won't change your price but will share some commission. Read more here.Despite an HIV diagnosis at age 59, recognition of betrayal and a divorce, Marty Walden trusted God to heal her deepest wounds and in the process discovered a deep abiding true love.
SURPRISE! I’ve been keeping a big secret from all of you! I’m getting married! Can you believe it?
Let me take you back to the beginning of this amazing love story!
After two years of processing privately and leaning on family and friends for support I went public in June 2023 with the fact that I have HIV and AIDS. This was the first time I shared this was the reason for the divorce. I also started a Youtube channel where I educate and share hope with women in hard places.
I couldn’t have asked for more support and kindness and yet the betrayal I’ve suffered caused me to question if I could ever trust another man. The diagnosis relentlessly told me no man would ever be interested in someone with the stigma of this virus.
A couple of months after that I felt a restlessness in my spirit, a nudge from God that my story wasn’t over. I began considering dating again and while the idea terrified me it also gave me hope.
At about the same time I listened to a podcast where they talked about dating in today’s world. The gist was that unless you go to a really large church with a very large dating pool, you’re not going to meet someone with the same morals and values as you have. Online dating is the way to go.
So I gave it a bunch of thought (and tons of prayer!) and with much trepidation I signed up for eharmony.com. I chose eharmony because it’s one of the oldest dating sites and matches you with men that are compatible through the answers you give. Basically, an algorithm selects potential dates for you.
It took as much courage to put myself out there as a 61-year-old as it did to go public with the diagnosis. I decided that I would fill out my profile with brutal honesty, listing first thing my HIV diagnosis and the way I’m turning this tragedy into a ministry for women.
Not knowing what to expect, it took a few days to figure out all the ins and outs. My prayer through all of this was someone would look past the diagnosis and see courage.
I began sorting through all the matches and to be brutally honest, there are men who need to learn to take a good profile pic! The pickings were slim! But I kept on because I was determined and also was paying for it!
My opening line to one adorably cute man? You have a great smile!
Dennis’ first words on his profile? Faith over fear. Can you believe it? FAITH. The one nonnegotiable for me.
From that first message forward Dennis and I basically skipped flirting and went straight to hard questions and answers. I grilled the poor man! I wasn’t on a dating app just to have fun and date lots of men. As I told Dennis later on, I was looking for the entire package: a man of faith and integrity; romantic; good looking; fun; financially stable and willing to enter into my very public life.
When my ex and I separated I made a list of the qualities I wanted in a man if I were ever to get married again. Dennis checked all the boxes! Seriously, every.single.one. When God shows up He shows up big! Dennis was the answer to prayers I barely had the faith to utter.
And the evidence of God’s goodness? My radius was set at 100 miles, the distance I would be willing to drive (which was ridiculous at the time because I didn’t drive on the highway except locally). He had his set at 60 miles and would never have seen my profile if I hadn’t reached out first.
After six days of messaging on the app I gave him my phone number. Yes I did! Our first phone call was an hour long and they got longer from there. Hours spent investing in what would become our forever relationship. I sent him the Enneagram test and the love language quiz so we could get to know each other better. Y’all, I was on a mission!
While this love story has the most amazing happy ending/new beginning, there have certainly been bumps along the way. I asked myself all the questions. Would he be willing to accept the public face of my story? What would his friends and family think because I have HIV? How hard will that be for him? Would we have the same connection and chemistry as our first phone calls?
My daughters and my walking buddy were the first to learn about Dennis. Ellen and I have walked a lot of miles talking about this new relationship! She has been such a good source of support and encouragement for me while still prompting me to be safe.
And in those first few days I realized I felt safe with Dennis. Safer than I ever felt with my ex after 35 years. It’s hard to fathom, but he has held my heart so tenderly as we’ve fallen in love and grown both as individuals and as a couple.
He was the sweetest surprise I didn’t expect and his love and strength has healed my heart one day at a time.
YES, I ACKNOWLEDGE IT HAPPENED SO FAST!
Two weeks after we first messaged I invited him to my house. I KNOW. Every warning was ignored because I JUST KNEW. I knew he was safe and I could trust him with all of me.
But…….my girls may have flipped out a little bit lol
I had to look in the eyes of my oldest daughter and say, “I need you to trust me. This man is different.” We had a heavy emotional conversation that I was afraid wouldn’t end well. Through the conversation both of us were crying and weeping. She told me I was being foolish and hadn’t known Dennis long enough.
She asked about our first date and I said he was going to come by the house first. She was utterly and totally appalled! I was being reckless and rushing things so quickly. I just told her I knew it didn’t make logical sense, and I couldn’t explain it without her seeing us together.
Somehow our roles completely reversed and I listened to her words of caution, knowing they came from a place of deep love and protection.
But I still invited him to my house on our first date! (Thank goodness Carson also has good instincts!)
So let me say you should always be cautious and safe. I had safety protocols in place that first date and I’ll share them in Part Two! But for me, God was showing Himself faithful and true and I had done enough work in counseling over the years to lean into my instincts.
Trust me when I say this is a picture of God‘s redemption in a snapshot. I laid my kernel of hope before the Lord in surrender when I joined the dating app. I didn’t think anyone could love me with my HIV diagnosis and the baggage I carried from the betrayal of a 35 year marriage.
What are your questions? This story only gets better and better!
PART TWO: God would have to make it abundantly clear that He wanted me to move away from my home sweet home!
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Are you an adoptive parent, homeschooling family, discouraged wife or struggling with grief? These posts are full of practical advice, hard lessons learned in the trenches and the belief that God is not done with your story. Let God restore beauty from the ashes of your life!
I am over the moon excited for you! God is so good!
Thanks so much, Barbie! It’s an amazing God story!
Oh my friend!
“Let me take you back to the beginning of this amazing love story…” and that would be where I the goosebumps started. From head to toe!
It is just precious to read this story, to be a “bystander” getting to see what God has done, the gift He’s given you in each other! I am ecstatic for you ❤️
Sweet Becky, you’re the best cheerleader and friend! I’m so glad we’ve both gotten second chances at love!